The Owl and I

image

The Owl is indeed a magnificent creature, I used to have a small trinket type one made of many little shells that had somehow made its way into my possession when I was in my first decade of life, probably from one of the seaside resorts I’d visited or maybe it was from The Isle of Wight… Well I remember how much I’d loved that novelty owl, how it had sat neatly amongst the other knick knacks on my window ledge, how I’d stared into its beaded eyes and wondered and imagined all sorts of greatness…that was until I overheard someone somewhere saying how unlucky and foreboding it was to keep anything resembling an owl indoors. Being so young and easily influenced and indeed scared of most of the big bad world I remember throwing my beautiful shell owl away and have never ever kept one in or near me since (apart from of course admiring their beauty on such occasions when they are put on ‘captive’ show for Joe public to hoot and coo over).
That is until now.
Oh how the conditioning of our young mind can stay with us a lifetime, ominously for good or evil.

For 16 days now I have been in the USA, have seen a fair bit of brooklyn, midtown manhattan, passed through washington DC, gigged in rockville, got spoiled in pennslyvania, had my feet tickled n pampered in Lititz, drank margarita’s in baltimore city, back with a bump to Lancaster and saw the arse end of the train station at philadephia to returning to south midwood. The one and only thing that has truly linked each place together, no matter where I’ve stayed or passed through is the fact that I have continously seen the symbol of ‘Owl’… In so many intriguing and intricate incarnations too, on bags, in mirrors, on barmaid’s t-shirts, as badges, logos, their feathers on hats, as cushion covers…and I have felt the need to know why I keep noticing this particular creature of mother nature.. I have kept meaning to look up its definitive role in my conscience.

Then two days ago I had what I deem to be a part breakdown of my mental state of health, it’s been a long time coming, I’ve been covering cracks and smothering smiles for a good while (pretty much during my whiskey ways I propose).. Anyway it did culminate in my ejection from lodgings and the unsurety of where I would rest my head in this big metropolis apple that I’m in…
How so it happened I have managed to end up in an attic in an amityville style looking house in a suburb of brooklyn close to its self named college, and here in this attic is a relatively small scale yet masterfully colourful and quite breathtaking library of books….

image

Small part of the whole library

And I have been given the privilege of being able to make use of it to my heart’s content…

Within the first hour of settling into my new lodgings I opened my mind that was crying for help and was drawn to the paperback “destined to be the personal leadership handbook of the decade”.. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R.Covey. This gem of a read is already proving to be a source of sound fundamental assistance and my frazzled sense of self is having several ‘aha’ moments.. I’m learning (and re-learning) about choice and how to be aware of the build up of years of conditioning that gets you thinking that your life is ‘just how it is’ cos ‘it has always been this way’, ‘its who I am’… Life made me this way jeeeez.. But uh oh, I’m living such a lie, it’s my reactions to the stimuli presented to me that is ultimately hurting me… I’m relaying devastating notions to myself which, in turn, have, over time ruined every single relationship I’ve had and continues (on a pretty fast turnaround scale nowadays) to crumble all current relations I’m effectively not having… I’m so independent I’m no longer necessary to anyone, who needs someone who doesn’t need anybody?

Ok, so after my tears of yesterday and my realisations of today I just took the time to look up the value of the Owl…

… a magical spirit who will help one to see through the darkness, through the illusions and see a real meaning to one’s state of mind, one’s actions… The Owl wants to guide toward fulfilling self potential… Because of its nocturnal self it can attribute to death, not always literal, moreover symbolic as with a major transition in life, important changes taking place or about to happen…

There was much more insight than the small soundbite I gave above but ultimately…
I’m to pay attention to these winds of change, leave behind my old habits of a destructive nature, and to not return to situations that are no longer of a positive service to my well being…

Now is the time to bring something new into my life…

The potential is far reaching… So. I’m going to spread my wings, flap around a bit and then settle down to get on with some magical creativity in the wee dark hours of this night…..

Advertisements

Doing this the whiskey way

Somebody told me once,’lay off the whiskey, it’s for losers… now the truth is I was never fond of whiskey, as a child it was my father’s choice of poison, and although he wasn’t a loser, he sure weren’t a winner either.. Many times in my memory a night of scotch would often end up like a scene from rocky…so it pretty much was to my dismay that I formed a taste for it just a relatively short space in time ago… And indeed the taste-bud development for said fermented grain mash was quite swift.. In less than 18 months I’d coiffed, sloshed and deliberated over many of the malts out there, even getting excited about pubs that had a ‘whiskey map’ and cities that had ‘whiskey stores’…

image

….. To a most recent fine moment of swigging merrily on a johnny walker blue label for 40 bucks…

Thus, along the whisky way I took some knocks, experienced increased aggressive behaviour in self, done some things that had I not been ‘mashed’ in the head I would most definitely not have done, some laughable, some against my sober code of conduct.. So upon waking this morning with hip flask in my pocket (jack daniels honey for the record) to being thrown out of the Brooklyn room I’d purchased online to here and now being totally alone in NYC… I’m of the belief that there could be something in that statement about being a loser, I sure feel it…

The hip flask is still in my pocket and I know there’s a wee dram left in there….
…the question now is, does one continue to imbibe the ‘water of life?’ does one carry on the whiskey way?

Uh huh yeah….

image

Uh huh, you know when

you think things are going to go one way n then quite quickly you realise that they are heading another way and the best possible scenario is that you adjust and adapt quite quickly… How’d you do that? Especially when you feel hotter than hot and your special friend ain’t available and you’ve met so many ‘insigfnificant others’ along the way that you actually experience that beautiful situation called ‘stir crazy’ and that still ain’t enough so you carry on until you find that you can’t even think about coming…. Your present moment, how good is it?

This is my rhetoric
It vacates me

A Continue reading

Becoming more Lovin’

DSC_0039

In an empty room, just me, my guitar and my tambourine … Waiting

But i’m not waiting for anything anymore, i’m breathing it all in, every experience, and then letting it go again

I’m here now and ready to do something good, positive and meaningful .. I want to be more lovin to people in general

But especially i’m doing this to help ease and make more bearable the tragedy that has recently gripped my family .. No, it won’t change what has happened but i want now for my cold heart to melt and be warm again

This is for you mum, the only person who has supported me in every single thing i have ever done and i turned my back on you, sorry … The song ‘more lovin’ is for you and your firstborn

This is for you dad, and all that effort and joy you invested in me when i was the apple of your eye … Thanks also for my ‘pearls’ of wisdom

This is for you middle boy, destroying your life, all i can do is hope and pray your pain subsides and you make peace before your life ends

This is for you little sis and your baby girl .. Please please always keep me in your hearts and live your dreams … As long as i live and breathe, i’ll be lovin you

the op …..

so, the saturday day of the op arrives

it’s not the best day i’ve been waiting for, but i’m a brave soldier and go in ‘gung ho’ knowing that to be is to do …

i think of nothing

i do as i’m told – by the wonderful people who tell me what they require of me for them to get their job done

they’re pretty good at what they do – that comes across immediately to me – it’s when i complete the questionnaire several hours later that i realise they are working toward ‘numbers’ … toward ‘results’, toward proving they can achieve what they set out to do, in their initial ‘quota’, their ‘tender’ … and in this instance, for me personally, they do …

anyway, it’s a funny thing to be on your ‘operation table’ … pre-op ,.. when the anesthetist‎ comes in and says, ‘well i’m just seeing that your heartbeat is pretty slow here’, and i say, ‘well i’m just tuning in to my yoga breathing to keep things calm,’ and he raises an eyebrow and says, ‘ah! it’s pretty usual for people here in this position to be having a much faster heartbeat’, …. i look at the white ceiling,  he then says, ‘any chance you can quicken your heartbeat before i anesthetise you?’ … so i do ….

and it’s quite a wonderful going under … the thing i’m thinking about at the time is my band ‘futurejack’ … and i’m hearing the cheers of the thousands of fans in an arena, and i know i’m with two people, who really really love* and understand* and care* for me… makes me feel safe and in the knowledge that all will be well … and i’m thankful for that…

and then all of a sudden i’m waking up and wanting to check the monitor to see what my blood pressure is stating ..

i sit bolt upright and the nurse turns to me and says, ‘everything okay’ – and i say, ‘yep, just wanna check my blood pressure’ …

she goes on and starts talking to me and we chat about travelling and she tells me that the best place on earth to go visit is Canada, Vancouver to be exact … so, mentally, i put that on my list (pretty near the top) of places to go.

and so … recovery starts

a very very good friend (albeit having not been too long known, possibly about 2 years at the very most) allows me and my dogs to stay with her in a beautiful flat near Sefton Park ..

and she makes me

dinner @ jo nas

an amazingly nutritious meal of organic mash potato with organic parsnip and o swede and o carrot mash and cheese!! and i think we had a naughty Stella Artois on the side

i spend the next 3 days shuffling and mooching and generally feeling less than the superior human being that i have become accustom to being, but hey, hope remains a main ingredient in my bloodline…

i give thanks to the pranic vortex i continually wish for

 

*** hahaha! a year on and how wrong I was about those people whom i thought understood and cared for me … nope, they didn’t, they rather stabbed me in the back and sold me down the river …. exquisitely human performances from us all

the after bubbles ….

waking up four hours after falling asleep constituted another safe bet that hard partying had occurred…

with everyone going their separate ways it was just me n Jo left as we returned to Liverpool

and for every drop of fun you experience, there’s always a hard hitting back down to earth waiting in the wings – mine being a last minute call in to go for a pre-op appointment, couple of bloods, few questions, blood pressure being taken etc etc … a day before last minute check in!

turned out to be pretty painless, lovely nurse, lovely private hospital where i received a very dignified assessment … still doesn’t take away the fact i don’t fancy going in for the operation tomorrow …

anyway that aside, the appointment was done n dusted n then me n twoeey were back on the road heading her homeward bound – no homeward bound for me, i still don’t have a home

we stopped off for a quick drink at the White Horse and then headed to the ‘Bubble Room’ for a scran …

lamb hotpot was on the menu for us both

bubble room 1 bubble room 4 Price = £10

at first we thought it looked a bit weird, arriving in a cup! but under the mash (dumpling) there were huge chunks of lamb and it was very very tasty!  8/10 compliments to the chef – The Bubble Room, Woolton is definitely worth a visit …………. then,

we went back to Hobson’s thereafter and had a couple of swift scotch’s and a smoke and then turned in, with sweet dreams of a gig gone good – roll on the next one!